Bulldrek v3.0

*Salvation drives up in the Black Van, the volume on the stereo turned to an almost reasonable level for once.*

Why, hello, Miss Teja. I was wondering if you could do me a favor and reach into that glovebox there and hand me the map.

"Wait a minute...Ice...Five O!"

"Dude she's a cop!!!"

"Its a set up."

Nah Paul - if it is one, I got it coming. It's cool. *reaches into the glove box*

*A gray tendril wraps around Miss Teja's arm, and suddenly the insane raving of a madman fill her mind as Machin Shin begins to devour her soul.*

[blur][mb]Blood blood rich red blood blood like wine wine that eats away at time drink the blood pluck the eyes from your skull I have no eyes, hear the screams of the one so touched loud loud screams long sweet screams, sing your screams so sweet to drink the blood of those who scream[/mb][/blur]

*As Teja stiffens at the touch of the Black Wind, Salvation calls upon OVARIONSMITE! and Teja's left ovary explodes with a wet, staticy KERBLAMMO!!! to her immense pain.*

*Flesh so fine, so fine to tear, to gash the skin; skin to strip, to plait, so nice to plait the strips, so nice, so red the drops that fall;blood so red, so red, so sweet; sweet screams, pretty screams, singing screams, scream your song, sing your screams... *

Can't just shake this one off, can I?

*peeks in the thread, notes the lack of Caz and enters confidantly* ah, there's still something left! excellent!!!

*saunters over to Teja with a large pickle jar only half way filled with pickles, but totally full with juice* 'allo. I'm Gunny. Host of the mighty and uber cute Cthulhu plush, Matron of the Cthukittens, Collector of Tasty souls, Plugger of holes with over-sized tampons and Keeper of the SIBTHA Ninja.

would you mind bending over a bit please? yes, just like that. thank you. *with rubber gloved hand, Gunny thrusts her hand up Teja's anus, pulls out her soul and replaces it with a pickle*

AH! an excellent specimen!! *shoves the soul into the pickle jar, closes the lid and pats Teja on the back* welcome to Bulldrek, enjoy your stay! and don't forget to pay your annual dues for re-gen!

Hmmm...let's see...She's been given to Machin Shin so she's been skined and all that other fun stuff, she's been OVARIONSMITED!, and Gunny just removed her soul. What's left? Oh yeah! *Walks up to newbie and dumps gasoline all over her. With the flick of a match she is set ablaze* Now to wait for Caz. *Sets up a lawn cahir*

*shoots the newbie with a chunk of frozen hydrogen*

I would think that just having gasoline dumped on her bare muscle tissue woulda been painful enough. *roasting marshmellows over the flaming Teja*

Well the gasoline on bare muscles does burn, but it's a different kind of burning. Plus you wouldn't be roasting your marshmellows is she wasn't on fire.

*scowls at SS* great! now my marshmellows are ruined! they were almost perfectly charred too!! :cry

*Ignites SS* There you go Gunny. A nice new fire.

w00t! *roasts hotdogs over SS*

*Scoops up the newbies corpse and throws it into a regeneration vat* She'll be as good as new when Caz stops in.

I'm afraid Caz might be distracted by Neopets right now.

*throws some goldfish into the vat with Teja*

Damn. I was hoping to see a good gnashing.

*steps out of the regeneration vat back to normal* Damn! That was fun, lemme tell ya. Starting to think I'd never be attractive again. LOL Okay, so where's this Caz? I wanna see what he's got prepared...

Hello, MissTeja.

The name's Brineshrimp, Bulldrek's resident poo-lover. *waves his many segmented arms* Glad you got to meet me.

I hope you enjoy your stay here. Here's a housewarming gift I know everyone can use. Just try not to eat it all at once.[/url]

Thanks Brineshrimp! Looks pretty tasty. I'll try not to overindulge myself all at once... LOL -Teja

A dracomorph clad in a tailored business suit wanders in and considers the newbie.

"Been a long time since I've helped give someone a proper...welcome...around here. Good a time as any to give it a go. Right, then...you there!"

He looks at Teja, a predatory grin spreading across his face.

"Allow me to intorduce myself. I'm OverLord, dracoform CEO of OverLord Technologies, Off-Duty Good Guy, and general weapons enthusiast. I'll be your mutilator for the moment."

He bows.

"Meet the boys."

OverLord pulls a pair custom of S&W 629 Classic revolvers from his jacket.

"Honor and Valor, meet your target."

Taking careful aim, he puts two bullets into each of Teja's knees, elbow, and shoulders.

"They're a touch on the loud side, but you must admit they do make excellent conversation. Well, now...what to do, what to do...you've already been burned, so the fire breath is out..."

He rustles his wings in annoyance.

"It's so difficult to find something original to do nowadays...hrm...ah, this should be fun..."

Grabbing Teja by the neck, he takes to the air, flying upwards a few thousand feet, then does a quick reversal and dives rapidly, pulling up as he releases his grip on Teja, who doesn't fare so well on high-speed impact with the ground.

"That was refreshing. I really have been out of it for too long..."

Would say ouch, but cannot speak...kinda splattered all over the ground right now. Good to meet ya, OverLord.

*Pulls out a mop and bucket and cleans the Teja splatter up, he then dumps the Teja goo into the regeneration vat so others can say hi in their own ways* Oh and Hi, nice to meet you Miss Teja.

Baron hears the whispers of Machin Shin, and the screams of another Tasty, and he manifests his ghostly Ultramarine-self (with the duct-taped onForbeskilt, and the Rampant Lion on his Librarian's Standard

[glow]Hmm.. this is a new one. OverLord has already introduced her, and I can see the Cthulukittens lapping at her soul in the pickle jar. The curiosity is that it's a Tasty female...so Daki hasn't had to call in the Unamunga Trolls... oh well. Since I beat Chuckles in here.... time to welcome the tasty with what everyone loves so much....[/glow]
Baron reaches out his etherial arms and with swing of his standard, he grants MissTeja a customized[glow]SMITE (TM)[/glow]

[glow]Welcome to the Insanity, please have exact change..[/glow]

thanx for the welcome lord death hand and baronj. Smite, eh?

BaronJ: I hereby remove you from your Smite!tming (*KERBLAMMO* One for the left!*) duties for failure to realize that Miss Teja cannot be Smite!tmn (*KERBLAMMO* One for the right!in the traditional sense. Now please continue on with your thread. Thank you.

This message brought to you by MAWS. Maniacs Against Wrongful Smite!tmings. Off the Beltline.

Gunny wrote:*peeks in the thread, notes the lack of Caz and enters confidantly*

*runs into the thread, wielding Caz-Chicken, and chases MissTeja around the thread.*

Ok, that was fun.

*notices Gunny and puts Caz-Chicken down*

All yours, Caz!

*Waits for Caz*

He's really behind on his newbie maulings this month.

Yeah I think he's been working a lot.

Must be.

Last I saw, he was only browsing or toying around in story threads.

yeah that's too bad.

I sure miss Caz.

Until he mauls you.

*A SzechClone runs around in circles, screaming.*