I should become a mechanic

Bishop · Post by **Bishop** » Mon Mar 18, 2002 8:21 pm

You know what really sucks? Having enough money to buy a used transmission, but not enough to get it installed. Having enough know how to be able to do it, but having immense hands and arms that make it very difficult to squeeze into those tight places that car engineers love to put in. I'm bleeding from about a dozen different scrapes and abrasions right now. And I'm sore. And yes, I'm bitching, deal with it.

3278 · Post by **3278** » Mon Mar 18, 2002 8:34 pm

Dude, here's what you do:

Pick up the car.
Turn it upside down.
Tear off the old transmission with your bare hands.
Lift the new transmission.
Hand it Uncle Fred and say, "Fix this."

∞ · Post by **∞** » Mon Mar 18, 2002 8:35 pm

Or bath your hands in battery acid to make them smaller.

3278 · Post by **3278** » Mon Mar 18, 2002 8:46 pm

It wouldn't help. He'd probably find a way to break the battery acid.

Don't say it's impossible. It's also supposed to be impossible to break cold-forged crescent wrenches, and he's done that. A couple times. And pro-grade screwdrivers. While using them properly.

One time, a car had been sitting for...Jesus, a long time, anyway, with its brakes frozen. We needed to move the car, but the disks and pads were just one single mass. The idea was that we'd take each wheel off and manually remove the brakes, which is what you're supposed to do. Instead, Bishop, Serious Paul, and I just pushed it. The brakes didn't stay frozen.

Bishop · Post by **Bishop** » Tue Mar 19, 2002 4:36 am

Were you there when I broke the 1/2" breaker bar in half? That was....exciting, to say the least. Trying to take the end nut off a half-shaft. Not only did I pick the fucking car up off the jack-stand, the breaker bar fucking broke. And that's a piece of 1/2" cold-forged fucking steel.

Jestyr · Post by **Jestyr** » Tue Mar 19, 2002 6:03 am

Eeeeek.

Uhhh... nice Bishop. Niiiiice Bishop. *patpat*

DV8 · Post by **DV8** » Tue Mar 19, 2002 7:02 am

Bishop, I want to know where you are at all times, and who you're going to be with. If I see you anywhere near something I hold dear, I'll shoot you.

...but then again, bullets will probably bounce off you as well.

Jestyr · Post by **Jestyr** » Tue Mar 19, 2002 7:04 am

Does he leap tall buildings in a single bound?

Cash · Post by **Cash** » Tue Mar 19, 2002 10:09 am

Nope. He pushes them over.

DV8 · Post by **DV8** » Tue Mar 19, 2002 10:18 am

I am Godzilla! YOU ARE JAPAN!!!

Serious Paul · Post by **Serious Paul** » Tue Mar 19, 2002 11:48 am

I feel your pain my brother. I have the same effect on inmates.

3278 · Post by **3278** » Tue Mar 19, 2002 12:03 pm

DV8 wrote: Bishop, I want to know where you are at all times, and who you're going to be with. If I see you anywhere near something I hold dear, I'll shoot you.

...but then again, bullets will probably bounce off you as well.

He was near Eva for a while. But he spent much of that time punching a Dumpster. No one really knows why.

Sorry, Bishop! None of the hurting for me!

Eva · Post by **Eva** » Tue Mar 19, 2002 3:06 pm

Oh come on, Josh is a sweetheart, we all know that. :o)

[edit: fecking sig doesn´t work yet]

Bishop · Post by **Bishop** » Wed Mar 20, 2002 4:50 am

For your information, that dumpster was arguing with me.

I got the tranny out tonight. I ended up with only half an exhaust system when I was done, because I ripped the fucking thing off. But I got it off. Just an update. NOw comes the hard part: putting the new one back in. :cry

Bishop · Post by **Bishop** » Tue Oct 15, 2002 11:16 pm

Funny thing. Month and a half after I get the new tranny in. It breaks. I bought it from a junkyard, and it must have been bad when I got it. So I'm driving my friends truck. And a tree jumps out in front of me. Guess I'm glad I didn't actually pay for the truck yet.

sinsual · Post by **sinsual** » Wed Oct 16, 2002 3:59 am

I have broken breaker bars before...that is why you buy Craftsmen...they are easily replaced for free at your local SEARS...

Gunny · Post by **Gunny** » Wed Oct 16, 2002 2:02 pm

I watched my father break a torque wrench once. he was trying to take off a side of the engine block when he snapped the head clean off the wrench. it was brand new too. fresh from SEARS. Craftsman. but that's the only Craftsman tool he's ever broken.

Daki · Post by **Daki** » Wed Oct 16, 2002 2:07 pm

There's a little bit of god in every Craftsman tool.

Vralkie · Post by **Vralkie** » Wed Oct 16, 2002 2:50 pm

Yup... He's chained up in a little room somewheres etching in the craftsman logo...

Cazmonster · Post by **Cazmonster** » Wed Oct 16, 2002 2:55 pm

If I break any tools where I work now I will cry, mostly because that will mean that I shattered some piece of expensive electronic equipment as well.

So sayeth Caz, the man who has crushed cat 5 terminators trying to crimp them.

Bishop · Post by **Bishop** » Wed Oct 16, 2002 3:02 pm

My friend, who's a computer tech, won't let me help him. Period. I tried once and ended up breaking a motherboard in half trying to get it out. I missed a clip or a screw, lifted up and Crack. He was pissed.

Vralkie · Post by **Vralkie** » Wed Oct 16, 2002 3:07 pm

In that case I have a tranny that you can come pull out of my car... :cry and if you can dislodge this shock I'll fucking kiss you fungully infested toes...

Cazmonster · Post by **Cazmonster** » Wed Oct 16, 2002 3:10 pm

Bish, when computers ran on punched cards and vacuum tubes, you might have been safe touching them. Now, you stay the hell away unless one of them comes to life and starts eating the flesh of humans.

Gunny · Post by **Gunny** » Wed Oct 16, 2002 3:31 pm

GREMLINS!!! he has Gremlins!!!!

*hides Daki's new laptop and her extra hard drive*

Bishop · Post by **Bishop** » Wed Oct 16, 2002 4:36 pm

Vralkie: Try a torch.

Caz: They wouldn't have been safe then, either.

Gunny: Gremlins hell. I'm fucking cursed.

Gunny · Post by **Gunny** » Wed Oct 16, 2002 5:59 pm

Bish- could you come to my office and spread some of that lovely curse on my computer? it's the only way I can get rid of this IBM PC 300GL.

that and I think it might also scare away the voodoo curse that IC brought to the office and trickled on my desk before he left.

Bishop · Post by **Bishop** » Wed Oct 16, 2002 6:01 pm

Gunny: Easy way to get rid of it. Open the window. Try to see if it can fly.

Gunny · Post by **Gunny** » Wed Oct 16, 2002 6:02 pm

no windows

Bishop · Post by **Bishop** » Wed Oct 16, 2002 6:06 pm

*hands gunny a large hammer and walks away, whistling innocently*

Gunny · Post by **Gunny** » Wed Oct 16, 2002 6:10 pm

*after she drops the hammer on her foot, twice, then somehow manages to pinch the palm of her hand with it, Gunny finally takes a swing with the hammer..... and falls over the side of the desk*

does this thing come with instructions?

Vralkie · Post by **Vralkie** » Wed Oct 16, 2002 6:12 pm

I really can't tell if he's saying to smach the comp' with a hammer, or to knock out part of the wall to make a window through which the throw said comp'...

Gunny · Post by **Gunny** » Wed Oct 16, 2002 6:15 pm

*kisses her booboos* even if I did that, I'd still be surrounded by walls. I'd have to smash a hole through the wall infront of me to get into that office and then I could find a window, but I'd have to smash the window since they can't be opened.

*sigh* I'd rather drop it down an empty elevator ..... shaft.... :evil

be right back....

Vralkie · Post by **Vralkie** » Wed Oct 16, 2002 6:17 pm

No, drop it down a full elevator shaft, go to the top, then send the elevator to the bottom. When people climb in, drop it

I should become a mechanic

I should become a mechanic

I have to shake my head.

yup...

in that case...

what did you think of?...

better idea...