Movies: Summer 2004
Posted: Tue Apr 13, 2004 3:19 pm
Kill Bill 2
Second half, I hear only good things.
Expectations: High
--------------------------
Godsend
DeNiro as a mad scientist/stem cell researcher who clones a boy, begin Frankenstein's Monster mode.
Expectations: Eh.
--------------------------
Laws of Attraction
Two divorce lawyers get married after a night of partying.
Expectations: Chick flick. Next.
---------------------------
Mean Girls
Girl social high school. 'Nuff said.
Expectations: Neither of my teenage female cousins would watch this, and neither will I.
----------------------------
Envy
Jack Black. Ben Stiller. Jack looks to be in his usual energetic form, Stiller looks to be in his usual fucked-up form. Christopher Walken makes an appearence!
Expectations: Sorry Jack, I can only handle so much Stiller.
-----------------------------
Stroke of Genius
Another damn golf movie? Didn't they do this exact same movie with Matty Damon and Will Smith?
Expectations: Fuck, no.
------------------------------
Van Helsing
I don't want this movie to suck. I mean, we've got an interesting plot angle, and monsters including Dracula, the Wolf Man, Frankenstein's Monster and Kate Beckinsale.
CGI looks a bit poor, though.
Expectations: Interested. Probably better in the theatre than at home.
------------------------------
New York Minute
Olsen Twins. Vaguely interested that one is supposed to play a punk rocker, but not enough to actually SEE the film. Tell me when they're Legal and do a spread in Maxim.
Expectations: Not just no, but HELL no.
------------------------------
Troy
Previews seem promising. But Brad Pitt? /And/ Orlando Bloom? <waves hand in air>
Expectations: I'll go see it, but I'm not holding my breath.
-------------------------------
Breakin' All the Rules
Weirdly, this role seems perfect for Jamie Foxx. One of those movies my Aunt would drag me and my grandfather to go see.
Expectations: Wait for it.
---------------------------------
Canadiru
Prison, doctor, riot, NEXT!
Expectations: Go see Shawshank Redemption.
---------------------------------
Cofee and Cigarettes
Short conversations between famous people. I imagine this is what Kevin Smith would like to do if he could sign the famous people and keep the topics off sex and comic books for an hour and a half. Most anticipated scene: Bill Murray talks with RZA and GZA.
Expectations: I might have missed Lost in Translation, dammit, but I won't miss this 'un.
----------------------------------
Shrek 2
Meet the Parents. Oh yeah, Mom, Dad, I'm an Ogre! Aren't storybook princesses supposed to be orphans? I mean, there's a rule somewhere that the parents get knocked off right after they procreate, right? Anywho, looks fun. Not the original, but fun.
Expectations: What the Hell. Like I'll have a date on Friday night.
-----------------------------------
The Clearing
Robbie Redford and William DaFoe. Hotage and hostage-taker.
Expectations: <shrugs> No Spy Game, I'll tell you that.
-----------------------------------
Raising Helen
Model inherits three kids when sister dies.
Expectations: Chick flick. Older-type.
-----------------------------------
The Day After Tomorrow
CGI and Waterworld, with Randy Quaid.
Expectations: No. No no no no no.
-----------------------------------
Soul Plane
I'm tempted. Why is it Tom Arnold always becomes the token white guy in these "black" films? And why don't they give Snoop Dogg a meal? just looking at his lanky form amkes me hungry.
Expectations: Hell, I can't be the ONLY white person in the theatre.
------------------------------------
The Mother
"British" flick. Widowed mother moves to London with grown kids and has an affair with a younger man.
Expectations: Chick flick. Older-married-type.
-------------------------------------
Saved!
Teens, religion, pregnancy, high school. Dogma meets Chasing Amy, or something like that.
Expectations: Not with /my/ money.
--------------------------------------
"Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban"
They really needed to rush these things a bit. FX look good, the original Dumbeldoor is good, but the kids definately look post-puberty already. Damn hormones. Ruin it for the kiddies. Actually, I've been pissed since I learned Ron goes for Hermione.
Expectations: Cousins will drag me to it.
----------------------------------------
"Mindhunters"
FBI agents, training. Silence of the Lambs without the engaging characters. Boy, Val Kilmer's put on some weight.
Expectations: I'm not advocating you just wait for it to come on television or download it on the internet. I'm not.
-----------------------------------------
The Chronicles of Riddick
Sequel to Pitch Black. Vin Diesel. Hell, can't be worse than "A Man Apart," and I need to shut my brain off for a bit anyways.
Expectations: Medium
------------------------------------------
Garfield the Movie
Dreading. CGI looks bad. Bill Murray as voice == teh good.
Expections: Jim Davis is a whore. I'll take one ticket, pelase.
------------------------------------------
The Stepford Wives
Mildly freaky, but can't be any worse than some renditions I've read.
Expectations: Wait for DVD.
------------------------------------------
Napoleon Dynamite
I must not see Napoleon Dynamite. Napolean Dynamite is the little death that brings total obliteration.
Expectations: Sadly, "geeks" will go nuts about somebody that lives "The Way of the Ninja." Even in Idaho.
-------------------------------------------
Around the World in 80 Days
What, again!? Wait...Jackie Chan as Passepartout? Appearences by the Wilsons. Arnold?
Expectations:Fuck it, not even worth seeing on drugs.
-------------------------------------------
The Darkness
Horror flick. Kids. Yeah.
Expectations: None.
--------------------------------------------
Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
I'm biased. I hate Ben Stiller.
Expectations: YOU can go see it.
---------------------------------------------
The Intended
Weird creepy family flick. Reminds me a bit of American Gothic.
Expectations: Sure, what the Hell.
---------------------------------------------
The Terminal
Great Premise: the country you were just fleeing no longer exists, your passport is now officially invalid, and you're stuck in a New York Airport. Hee hee hee, welcome to Hell!
Oh, wait, it's a Spielberg. Fuck.
Expectations: Not in the mood for great cinema.
---------------------------------------------
The Door in the Floor
Jeff Bridges, dead sons, affair, fuck.
Expectations: Oh, I don't see why not.
----------------------------------------------
The Notebook
I'm sorry, based on a book by who? Nicholas Sparks?
Expectations: Hell no. Lots of other people will go see it, though.
----------------------------------------------
Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow
YES! Pulp fiction, an Indiana Jones type feel, and the WHOLE MOVIE was shot agaisnt a blue screen so that the backrounds could be tailored.
Expections: Yesssss
----------------------------------------------
White Chicks
Two black men (the Wayans brothers) dress as the Hilton Sisters.
Expectations: Where's that handy eye-scraper? And my mental floss?
----------------------------------------------
Before Sunset
Nostalgic romance weepy.
Expectations: Hell no, I won't go.
-----------------------------------------------
De-Lovely
The life of Cole Porter as a musical.
Expectations: Kinda cool.
-----------------------------------------------
Two Brothers
Tiger twins life story.
Expectations: DVD
------------------------------------------------
Spider Man 2
Doc Ock!
Expectations: High
Second half, I hear only good things.
Expectations: High
--------------------------
Godsend
DeNiro as a mad scientist/stem cell researcher who clones a boy, begin Frankenstein's Monster mode.
Expectations: Eh.
--------------------------
Laws of Attraction
Two divorce lawyers get married after a night of partying.
Expectations: Chick flick. Next.
---------------------------
Mean Girls
Girl social high school. 'Nuff said.
Expectations: Neither of my teenage female cousins would watch this, and neither will I.
----------------------------
Envy
Jack Black. Ben Stiller. Jack looks to be in his usual energetic form, Stiller looks to be in his usual fucked-up form. Christopher Walken makes an appearence!
Expectations: Sorry Jack, I can only handle so much Stiller.
-----------------------------
Stroke of Genius
Another damn golf movie? Didn't they do this exact same movie with Matty Damon and Will Smith?
Expectations: Fuck, no.
------------------------------
Van Helsing
I don't want this movie to suck. I mean, we've got an interesting plot angle, and monsters including Dracula, the Wolf Man, Frankenstein's Monster and Kate Beckinsale.
CGI looks a bit poor, though.
Expectations: Interested. Probably better in the theatre than at home.
------------------------------
New York Minute
Olsen Twins. Vaguely interested that one is supposed to play a punk rocker, but not enough to actually SEE the film. Tell me when they're Legal and do a spread in Maxim.
Expectations: Not just no, but HELL no.
------------------------------
Troy
Previews seem promising. But Brad Pitt? /And/ Orlando Bloom? <waves hand in air>
Expectations: I'll go see it, but I'm not holding my breath.
-------------------------------
Breakin' All the Rules
Weirdly, this role seems perfect for Jamie Foxx. One of those movies my Aunt would drag me and my grandfather to go see.
Expectations: Wait for it.
---------------------------------
Canadiru
Prison, doctor, riot, NEXT!
Expectations: Go see Shawshank Redemption.
---------------------------------
Cofee and Cigarettes
Short conversations between famous people. I imagine this is what Kevin Smith would like to do if he could sign the famous people and keep the topics off sex and comic books for an hour and a half. Most anticipated scene: Bill Murray talks with RZA and GZA.
Expectations: I might have missed Lost in Translation, dammit, but I won't miss this 'un.
----------------------------------
Shrek 2
Meet the Parents. Oh yeah, Mom, Dad, I'm an Ogre! Aren't storybook princesses supposed to be orphans? I mean, there's a rule somewhere that the parents get knocked off right after they procreate, right? Anywho, looks fun. Not the original, but fun.
Expectations: What the Hell. Like I'll have a date on Friday night.
-----------------------------------
The Clearing
Robbie Redford and William DaFoe. Hotage and hostage-taker.
Expectations: <shrugs> No Spy Game, I'll tell you that.
-----------------------------------
Raising Helen
Model inherits three kids when sister dies.
Expectations: Chick flick. Older-type.
-----------------------------------
The Day After Tomorrow
CGI and Waterworld, with Randy Quaid.
Expectations: No. No no no no no.
-----------------------------------
Soul Plane
I'm tempted. Why is it Tom Arnold always becomes the token white guy in these "black" films? And why don't they give Snoop Dogg a meal? just looking at his lanky form amkes me hungry.
Expectations: Hell, I can't be the ONLY white person in the theatre.
------------------------------------
The Mother
"British" flick. Widowed mother moves to London with grown kids and has an affair with a younger man.
Expectations: Chick flick. Older-married-type.
-------------------------------------
Saved!
Teens, religion, pregnancy, high school. Dogma meets Chasing Amy, or something like that.
Expectations: Not with /my/ money.
--------------------------------------
"Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban"
They really needed to rush these things a bit. FX look good, the original Dumbeldoor is good, but the kids definately look post-puberty already. Damn hormones. Ruin it for the kiddies. Actually, I've been pissed since I learned Ron goes for Hermione.
Expectations: Cousins will drag me to it.
----------------------------------------
"Mindhunters"
FBI agents, training. Silence of the Lambs without the engaging characters. Boy, Val Kilmer's put on some weight.
Expectations: I'm not advocating you just wait for it to come on television or download it on the internet. I'm not.
-----------------------------------------
The Chronicles of Riddick
Sequel to Pitch Black. Vin Diesel. Hell, can't be worse than "A Man Apart," and I need to shut my brain off for a bit anyways.
Expectations: Medium
------------------------------------------
Garfield the Movie
Dreading. CGI looks bad. Bill Murray as voice == teh good.
Expections: Jim Davis is a whore. I'll take one ticket, pelase.
------------------------------------------
The Stepford Wives
Mildly freaky, but can't be any worse than some renditions I've read.
Expectations: Wait for DVD.
------------------------------------------
Napoleon Dynamite
I must not see Napoleon Dynamite. Napolean Dynamite is the little death that brings total obliteration.
Expectations: Sadly, "geeks" will go nuts about somebody that lives "The Way of the Ninja." Even in Idaho.
-------------------------------------------
Around the World in 80 Days
What, again!? Wait...Jackie Chan as Passepartout? Appearences by the Wilsons. Arnold?
Expectations:Fuck it, not even worth seeing on drugs.
-------------------------------------------
The Darkness
Horror flick. Kids. Yeah.
Expectations: None.
--------------------------------------------
Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
I'm biased. I hate Ben Stiller.
Expectations: YOU can go see it.
---------------------------------------------
The Intended
Weird creepy family flick. Reminds me a bit of American Gothic.
Expectations: Sure, what the Hell.
---------------------------------------------
The Terminal
Great Premise: the country you were just fleeing no longer exists, your passport is now officially invalid, and you're stuck in a New York Airport. Hee hee hee, welcome to Hell!
Oh, wait, it's a Spielberg. Fuck.
Expectations: Not in the mood for great cinema.
---------------------------------------------
The Door in the Floor
Jeff Bridges, dead sons, affair, fuck.
Expectations: Oh, I don't see why not.
----------------------------------------------
The Notebook
I'm sorry, based on a book by who? Nicholas Sparks?
Expectations: Hell no. Lots of other people will go see it, though.
----------------------------------------------
Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow
YES! Pulp fiction, an Indiana Jones type feel, and the WHOLE MOVIE was shot agaisnt a blue screen so that the backrounds could be tailored.
Expections: Yesssss
----------------------------------------------
White Chicks
Two black men (the Wayans brothers) dress as the Hilton Sisters.
Expectations: Where's that handy eye-scraper? And my mental floss?
----------------------------------------------
Before Sunset
Nostalgic romance weepy.
Expectations: Hell no, I won't go.
-----------------------------------------------
De-Lovely
The life of Cole Porter as a musical.
Expectations: Kinda cool.
-----------------------------------------------
Two Brothers
Tiger twins life story.
Expectations: DVD
------------------------------------------------
Spider Man 2
Doc Ock!
Expectations: High